“You’re a smart girl and I have high expectations on you. I expect you to understand better than anyone else in the family. I’ve seen you outlive the shadows of our past. I can’t even imagine where the courage came from. You have made me proud more than I deserve.”
It was when you apologized to me about how you and my mama didn’t go well, thus can’t give me the normal kind of life and home my classmates have that I began to understand that people make mistakes and most of the time they don’t really intend to, it’s just that they’re left with no choice or the circumstances are not favorable for them. It was when you ignored your pride being a man and a father and apologized to a young girl that I began to learn about humility. I think, that moment I grew up years beyond my age.
I’ve always been trying to live with your expectations. No matter how mad things go sometimes, I always try to open my heart and understand more, beyond what they appear to be in the surface. It’s because of trying to understand better that I learned how to love unconditionally. It’s because of trying to understand better that I learned how to humble myself and put my concerns only after the others’.
However, you know I’ll always be the rebel, the deviant, and the free-spirited young girl I was. But I’ll always have understanding and compassion spilling over so I would always choose to be kind than be right. I’m sorry I don’t anymore believe what I used to believe, his existence, but trust me even this has made me understand better about life and made me a better person.
Yes, I sometimes cry at night but I never wished that life could have been any other way than how it went for me. I’m the person I am now because of all we have to go through without my mother. Thank you for being a father to me in all ways you know. I love you.
*photo of me and papa to follow
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