My Cardigan Weather

I love the human race; how we coped and survived, how we evolved – wonderfully – this way. But in this very event (or because the bible says so) we developed this conception that we are superior over anything in this world. And it is bullshit. We are self-important creatures. It seems to me that people are so engrossed with their tiny affairs, making a big deal out of every mundane issue. It’s always about money, comfort, career, status, possessions and ego. I fucking hate it. And because we know better, we alter the natural formation of this world. We pave roads and build high rise buildings, flatten our mountains and denude our forests. It’s sad-making, it’s destruction for comfort or comfort over preservation or conservation.

I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not about us. We are just one animal species in a tiny, fragile, blue, orbit-following sphere in what seems to be an endless space. In one instant of atmospheric change, tectonic movement, we will all be gone and forgotten. This is not about us. The world wasn’t made for us, human race. And so when I listen to people talking about themselves, very proud and overly confident, I just smile. I get upset for reasons I don’t know. And because I know that I’m just a small and frail being, I want to make each moment count. Life is breakable and short. Let’s take our chances.

I’m not sure what this is, really. It’s definitely not depression. It’s not anger for sure. I might have had my communist-leaning ideologies in the past, but I’m not a commie. I hope it’s not insanity. I wish it’s just being sober; it’s living each moment knowing that everything is temporary or transitory, making it full of thrills and adventures. It keeps me savor every breath, value every instant, every person that comes along my way, every chance of expressing my thoughts and my feelings.

I know you’re missing the point. Don’t worry, me too. Just want to scribble some random stuff popping up in my head right now. And this mood is probably because of you my cardigan weather. You make me nervous, you make me feel stupid, you make me fanciful and inspired, you make me contented, you make me fall in love. You make me alive.

*Illustration by Fifi Lapin*